I don't want to stay broken. But it's the place where I got out of the way and allowed God to work in me and through me to ...impact others.
I'm fairly competent in myself. After all, I am blessed with good health, a good mind and a desire to work hard. I prided myself on the fact that I took care of my health through regular exercise and I choose what I ate wisely. I kept my weight steady. I love to read and can sit for hours devouring great books. I worked as a cardiovascular nurse specialist for 25 years. I love people. I love children but was unable to have my own. I loved creating a nurturing home environment.
I lived in the house of my dreams for 12 years. I spent months with a designer as we picked out every fabric and piece of furniture. I volunteered two days a week teaching little children in a national Bible study organization. I served on the Leadership team for my church as we planned and organized a yearly women's conference bringing in speakers like Lysa TerKeurst, Beth Moore, Liz Curtis Higgs and Jennifer Rothschild. I enjoyed my friends and going to lunch. I loved frequent visits back east to visit my family. I loved taking vacations in Europe.
But life happens and not always as I planned. My circumstances changed drastically in 2010. Suddenly, I had to return to work. We had to move. It was survival and no longer self actualization. I began to indulge a bit more in sweets. I didn't have easy access to a treadmill. I became depressed and felt shock and denial. What was I doing wrong? Why was this happening? I had appreciated all I had and not taken it for granted. So why was it all gone? What was I to do now?
I had reached the end of myself. I felt broken. Living far from familiar surroundings with little hope of recovery, I turned to the One I always told others to turn. To Jesus. He is my hope and source of love and encouragement. But I continued to try to understand the why of it all. I prayed and asked the Lord to show me. Was I doing something wrong? I prayed that He would reveal that to me but no answer ...
I realized we can't always choose our circumstances but we can choose our response to those circumstances.
Fast forward to today; 2014. I'm not living in my dream home but I am living several miles from my former neighborhood. I'm creating a nurturing environment in a much smaller place. I have a job working with preschool children. I realize that the Lord answered my heart's desire for children in a way I wouldn't have anticipated. I get to love them and teach them and then send them home to mommy and daddy.
I'm exercising once again on my treadmill each morning and starting to lose the extra pounds I gained during this difficult time. My husband discovered the main cause of our upheaval and now he's starting another company. Such is life with an entrepreneur!
These Scriptures have become so real to me through my journey.
Philippians 4:12-13 (NIV):
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength.
God is so good. God is so faithful. He's taught me that material possessions can be easily taken away. I'm learning to be content in all circumstances. Counting my every day blessings has been so helpful for me to focus on what's good and right in my life. My eyes have been opened to life in a new way and ...I have joy in my heart. He's showing me the plans He has for my life and they are good.
I'm linking up with Bonnie of Faith Faith Barista for this Faith Jam Thursday as we lead up to Easter.
Blessings and love,